Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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