no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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