My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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