Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
