I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
