i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad just said "fuck circus"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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