my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think people are normalizing furries
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
