wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
