great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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