Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
