dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
