fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
