And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When are your genitals available?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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