im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
