I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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