Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
