after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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