my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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