If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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