RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize