ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
