pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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