Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
