u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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