i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
