Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
