Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
