A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
