I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
