I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
