Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He did a backflip because drugs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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