The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
