are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
