I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How does it feel to date your dad?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize