my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
