I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize