How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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