there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
