make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
