I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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