he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
as a side note pls kill me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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