I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
