I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I showed him my bush... on skype.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Mom said you looked used
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
