the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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