one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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