dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
