he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
