He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize