Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
