it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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