I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He better not be in your backpack
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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