shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
