My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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