If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina is very pro this idea
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
