HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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