There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
