the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize