The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
