I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
