I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
