i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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