I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
