last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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