She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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