just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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