How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
