Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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