Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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