At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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