I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize