It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
