I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
