Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize